Cheese Expectations

This is better than the Olympics.

This is bigger than the Playoffs.

BEARS vs. PACKERS - the winner goes on to the SUPERBOWL? Are you kidding me?

The interesting thing is, from what I can gather from the news wire out here in LA, people - especially the dentally-challenged, corpulent, K-Mart-shopping citizens of Wisconsin known as Cheeseheads - seem to believe that the Bears have as good a chance to win this game as VHS tapes have of making a comeback.

Wonderful!


Anyone who's ever seen a Bears-Packers game know that the number one rule is that all bets are off. I've seen these teams fight each other as close as a Schick Quatro shave when the score should have been horribly lopsided. These teams battle and I will be amazed if this game doesn't come down to the last commercial break.

In any event, you may have heard that the City of Green Bay actually requires that fans first must fill out an application to ensure they are, indeed, "Cheesehead" material.

Was able to nab a copy off of the web - here it is:

Application to be a Packer Fan

APPLICATION TO BE A GREEN BAY PACKER FAN
NAME_________________________

CB HANDLE_______________

MOBILE HOME COLOR:
_____TWO-TONE, BROWN & WHITE
_____TWO-TONE, PINK & WHITE
_____FADED

NECK SHADE:
_____LIGHT RED
_____MED. RED
_____DARK RED

MODEL OF PICKUP TRUCK_____________
SIZE OF TIRES_______________

NUMBER OF TEETH EXPOSED (WITH FULL GRIN)
UPPER_____
LOWER_____

LENGTH OF RIGHT LEG_____
LENGTH OF LEFT LEG_____

NOTE: TO BE ACCEPTED YOU MUST BE HONEST AND YOU MUST BE ABLE TO CHECK AT LEAST 20 ITEMS FROM THE QUESTIONS BELOW.

YOU MAY CHECK MORE THAN ONE ITEM PER QUESTION.

1. I AM IN LOVE WITH:
_____ MY BROTHERS WIFE
_____ MOTHER-IN-LAW

2. MY FAVORITE MUSIC:
_____COUNTRY
_____WESTERN

3. MY FAVORITE MEAL:
_____HEAD CHEESE AND OLD STYLE
_____VENISON SAUSAGE AND OLD STYLE
_____CHEESE CURDS AND OLD STYLE
_____SEVEN COURSE DINNER (BRAT AND SIX PACK)

4. PREFERRED WEAPON:
_____12 GAUGE SHOTGUN
_____TIRE IRON
_____FOREHEAD
_____CHAIN SAW
_____ICE AUGER
_____BEER BOTTLE

5. PRIMARY AUTO:
_____’67 FORD GALAXY
_____’67 FORD GALAXY WITH TRANSMISSION
_____’67 FORD GALAXY WITH CHEVY TRANSMISSION
_____’67 FORD GALAXY WITH CHEVY TRANSMISSION AND ’71 BUICK ENGINE

6. I USUALLY GREET PEOPLE BY SAYING:_____”YA HEY DERE”
_____”DEM PACKERS IS PLAYING LIKE A BUNCH OF OLD WOMEN”
_____”DAY SHOULD TAKE DA WHOLE BUNCH A DEM MADISON LIBERALS AND JUST LINE ‘EM UP AND SHOOT ‘EM!”

7. I CAN COUNT TO:
_____TEN (10)
_____TWENTY (20) (WITH SHOES OFF)

8. PICK ONE:
_____SOMEONE IS HELPING ME READ THIS
_____SOMEONE IS READING THIS TO ME

9. FAVORITE READING:_____FISHING FACTS
_____BEER BOTTLE LABELS
_____GUNS & AMMO
_____TRACTOR MANUALS

10. THINGS IN MY FRONT YARD_____CAR ON BLOCKS
_____TRANSMISSIONS
_____VARIOUS KITCHEN APPLIANCES
_____DEER HANGING FROM TREE (IN SEASON)
_____DEER HANGING FROM TREE (OUT OF SEASON)

11. MY FAVORITE FEMALE IN THE WORLD IS:_____MY MOM
_____MY SISTER
_____BOTH, CAUSE I THINK MY SISTER IS MY MOM

12. I MOSTLY WEAR:
_____POLYESTER LEISURE SUITS
_____PACKERS BELT BUCKLE
_____PACKERS HAT

13. THE MOST MEMORABLE EVENT I EVER ATTENDED
_____MIOCQUA MOOSE CALLING COMPETITION
_____OMSGA OUTBOARD MOTOR REPAIR FINALS
_____LAKE TOMAHAWK CREW CUT CHAMPIONSHIPS
_____CARP QUEEN BEAUTY CONTEST
_____SPREAD EAGLE PROCTOLOGISTS CONVENTION

14. MY FAVORITE ENTERTAINMENT IS:_____DEER HUNTING WHILE DRINKING
_____WATCHING GREEN ACRES WHILE DRINKING
_____SNOWMOBILING WHILE DRINKING
_____ICE FISHING WHILE DRINKING

SIGNED BY: _____________________________
DATE: _______________________________


Fascinating stuff! Really offers insight into the fan culture.


GO BEARS.